John Vernon, who played the bumbling college dean in "National Lampoon's Animal House", died Tuesday of complications from heart surgery. He was 72. Here's how Dean Wormer's obituary might have read:
The esteemed Dean Vernon Wormer of Faber College has died at the age of 72. Mr. Wormer's career was somewhat distinguished. He served as a medic in the Korean War, where he achieved the rank of private. After being dishonorably discharged for picking fights with the wounded, Wormer enrolled at Faber where he graduated with a GPA of 2.5. His favorite quote was from the founder of Faber: "Knowledge Is Good". Mr. Wormer was proud of the fact he put Faber's troublesome Delta House on "double-secret probation" a total of 373 times during his tenure. He retired in 1998 a broken man because he could never shut down the Delta fraternity altogether. He is survived by his wife, whom he managed to stay married to despite her 1978 affair with a Delta fraternity member, and her recurring problem with alcoholism. A private burial will be held; in lieu of flowers please send donations to the "Fat Drunk & Stupid is no way to go through Life" Foundation.
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