Thursday, January 08, 2009

The Evil Sandra

She calls me right before Christmas. After four months of silence. Says she is bored and wonders what I have been up to. I shoulda hung up. But I didn't. Instead, stupid me bought another ticket to ride the crazy train of Sandra. Ozzy, why didn't I listen to you? So, we went out a couple times. First time, fine. Even exchanged Christmas gifts. I started letting my guard down, just a little. Maybe she changed in the last few months. I believe in giving people a second chance. Or maybe I'm desperate for company. Whatever. Second time, OE! The bitch turned psycho again. She told me she was going to pay for my movie, then abruptly changed her mind and said her passes were for her and her daughter. Spooky! OK. I shoulda left her and her evil spawn at the theater. But noooo... I signed up for the extended mindfuck. We went to get something to eat before the flick. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, if you give a shit. Three hours of torture. Not the movie. Having to sit through the movie mad. Brad Pitt was actually good. Anyway, back to the story. We go to Cheeburger Cheeburger at Tempe Marketplace and split a Cheeburger and fries. Evil spawn has her own grub. Skinny kid doesn't eat much anyway, unlike her fat mom. I slap a ten on the counter and ask Sandroid if that is OK. She says yes. Actually, it was MORE than enough for my half. But it gets better. Sandy (she hates being called that) asks me if I have enough for a tip. She could've covered it with her debit card, but noooo. I slap another five down. She says she'll pay me back when she changes the ten I already gave her. The bill was 22 bucks. That included her kid's food. Fine. We go to the movie. Sandy baby wants me to get her a drink. She hands me the ten. I say sure, I'll just take the five she owes me from the change. She looks at me with that look. That look that says "what the fuck do you mean?" She then says, "but I just spent 22 dollars on dinner!" Jesus Christ. My stomach turned and I almost felt sick. I replied "if it's that important to you, keep the money!" And she did. I sat through the whole movie wishing I were somewhere else, ANYWHERE ELSE but with this cheap, psycho fuck. She manipulated me into paying 15 bucks for that fucking meal, and she laid out seven and change. She made me pay for my own movie ticket, after offering to take me out. What a pro. And I wasn't even getting laid. Finally, the loooong movie ended. I drove chubby Sandroid and her pencil-thin progeny home in still stunned silence. We haven't spoken since. I can't wait for her to call. NOT!

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