Pluto Is a Dog, Not a Planet

Astronomers meeting in Prague announced today that Pluto has been demoted from planet status. There are now officially eight planets in our solar system and lots of other floating crap to be determined later. The decision clarifies what could have been a big mess, with just about anything round orbiting a star potentially a planet. Clyde Tombaugh, discoverer of Pluto, could not be reached for comment, because he is dead. His ashes are currently rocketing toward the former planet on a space probe scheduled to arrive there in 2015. How ironic. It's like rain on your wedding day, it's a free ride when you've already paid... it's... it's...