Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Poopy Peepee

Since scatalogical posts seem to attract the most comments on blogs, here's my version. I like to take big shits while reading the newspaper or a good book. So far I have not gotten 'roids from this practice. A gigantic dump of a previous meal is preferable. In with the new food, out with the old. Loud farts are also a plus. I like to hear them echo throughout the bathroom. Ahhhhhhh... I'm in heaven just thinking about it. When I am done I like to see my handiwork. One of the biggest shits I ever took was well over a foot long. Oh the memory... I also like to note the consistency of the dump. Some are greasy, some are soft, some are kinda hard. Soft ones can look somewhat like an Dairy Queen ice cream cone. Oh glorious turds. So many. So different. When I wipe myself it's fun to see if the poop is all over the paper or doesn't even leave a trace. Of course the times I shat the messiest shits were the times toilet paper was in short supply or non-existent. Well, gotta go now. It's time again to shit.


SeizeTheNite said...

Oprah had quite an interesting show on the other day that was all about poop. Did you know that when you poop it should not make little plop, plop sounds when it falls in the toilet? It should sound like a diver diving into the water, like "swoosh"...

LingLing said...

will you have to change your blog name now? "No BS, but sometimes S"?
I like no BS better. ;)

Anonymous said...

Giant craps are best when the aroma sets off the smoke alarm, and representatives from the Centers For Disease Control have to come out and tape off your neighborhood and declare a Level III bio-hazard ...

PaintingChef said...

Oprah did an ENTIRE show on poop? Huh...

Anonymous said...

ohhhh I couldn't resist ... here's something appropriate deep from the dimented defacated dodo archives:

I once ventured in a room
And recognized a smell
I knew it was that dreadful doom
Those giant farts from hell

They were so grand it made me think,
"Just what went in their belly?"
To muster up such mighty stink
So awful, foul and smelly???

I then drew in a mighty wiff
And pondered on that thought
It hit me then, "It must be Jif!
Mixed in with dripping snot!!!

I then heard something from below
That shook the walls and ceiling
It was so loud, the cock did crow
Then paint proceeded peeling

And then a smell, like rotting bass
Or folks from Taco Bell
Surrounded me with lethal gas
Those giant farts from hell